By Caroline Giroux, MD
If you are like me, the unavoidable unpleasantness of the premature darkness that comes this time of year with this mind-fooling maneuver called daylight “saving” time often leads to the opposite effect it intends to have. Just like driving at night makes us more susceptible to being hypnotized, the early darkness can put us in a gloomier mood because there is a sudden loss of the visual cues that normally keep us alert and engaged.
Even though the houses or the trees we see during the day are still there, they somewhat disappear as early darkness gives the impression that our life is closing in on us. This recently made me realize that this could be what is happening in the case of depressive or hopeless states: the sense our life is shrinking, closing in on us. Because of heavy emotional experiences, we suddenly stop seeing the full scope of what is in our life because we don’t perceive properly due to the darkness, the negativity that creates a loss of perspective, a narrowness in our thinking.
But despair no longer, it is possible to break free from that vulnerable state by reclaiming your special power right now. A regular practice of gratitude is like the needed sense of touch that we use to remind us of the goodness that is still in our life even though the darkness of our felt experience prevents us from perceiving it right away. The spoken or written words carrying what we are feeling thankful for are like an open hand reaching out for, and feeling, the comforting blanket that is still there, within reach, even though there is a power outage and we can’t see it.
What are you grateful for? Can you take a pause and name three things that you're thankful for today? It could be anything from your health to your family to the meal you're going to have for dinner, or even the ChapStick that keeps your smile nice and your kiss fruity. There are countless things we can be thankful for at any given moment even in the darkest times. It is helpful to start the practice, especially when everything is going smoothly in one’s life, of recognizing what we are grateful for so it becomes habitual. And by the time one is facing challenges, it is easier to get to that uplifting space because the “gratitude muscles” have been developed.
Recognizing gratitude is a mindfulness quality and, like meditation, crisis mode is not the most optimal time to start practicing it. It can be stressful to focus on one's own breathing when anxious if you have not done the practice of deep breathing beforehand. Practice helps clear a path that makes it easier later on to access the space of inner calm, peace and compassion. When the COVID pandemic hit, I remember starting that practice more systematically and also began a daily journal in which I would write a few pages or record at least 10 things I had felt grateful for that day. I wanted to teach my children the benefits of that practice, so we started doing it together at the kitchen table for dinner. It became our routine and we would each take turns naming one thing we were thankful for.
Despite the adversity, I was able to feel thankful for many things and I realized I was also immediately thankful for my children's own gratitude. This ritual can create a positive cycle of meta-gratitude, which is why we should share what we are grateful for with others or say it out loud as much as possible; it makes others feel good hearing about someone else's gratitude. It also brings people together, especially when we offer thanks to one another.
Journaling is an excellent way to practice recognizing what you have gratitude for.
I remember when my boys would say, ''I'm thankful for my family.” I thought it was so touching and inspiring. They were already focusing on core values and their sincerity was palpable. I felt that this was very mature of them and that made me ever more profoundly grateful. I believe that gratitude is also the way to fight greed. Think about it: when you notice what you have and you're grateful for that, you're not craving more. You are actually pausing to enjoy all the gifts that life offers, and therefore needing something else or something more becomes superfluous. You are too busy being in the moment to focus on striving or yearning.
Gratitude is the true source of abundance in my opinion. There is no shortage of gratitude. Someone being extra grateful is not taking anyone else's potential for experiencing gratitude. It is not a zero-sum game!
As you know by now, I'm a big believer in meditation and mindfulness… and gratitude happens to be one of the mindfulness qualities. So, if you have a routine where you practice gratitude, whether it's through a journal or an ice breaker at a meeting (which is what I encourage people to do, we all have to share one thing we're thankful for that day), then you have a portal to your own space of calm. That is what meditation is about: it’s to bring us to this moment, grounded and confident that we have that space of calm and peace in us.
Of course, sometimes we are so overwhelmed with stress and negativity that it's even hard to just sit down and meditate or find our moment of calm. I recently felt devastated and scared for our future recently, like so many others. But I also became even more intentional in my practice and started feeling grateful for people’s courage in expressing their emotions or offering support to one another. It probably helped that there was a good amount already in my “gratitude bank account,” so that the mental debt caused by stress could be more easily absorbed.
So whenever you have something unpleasant destabilizing you, try to counteract that by naming three aspects that are positive in your life. Or when you are tempted to criticize yourself, find three compliments people have said about you. A positive thought is energizing and carries so many possibilities. The stuff we are grateful for is a foundation for more creation in our life.
In my case, I'm grateful to have the inspiration to write this column. I am grateful for you, for your readership, for the time you take to take in my words today and hopefully they resonate. I am sure you can think of times when, as a kid, there was magic as you opened a present or had fun laughing with a friend and I'm sure you had a feeling close to gratitude at that moment even though you might not have named it that way.
So continue on that journey of gratitude. It will make you more mindful and increase your ability to meditate which, in turn, brings more insights and experiences to be grateful for. May you remember to tap into this source of abundance and may you learn from others, especially those who seem to have less yet appear so fulfilled, and teach others (your preoccupied family, your distressed patients) to access it too.
When we are grateful and mindful, there is more space in our whole beings for compassion, and compassion binds people through healing. Then, the inherent interconnectedness of our human nature triumphs over the illusion of separateness. In gratitude, you might find some peace, or even the power and freedom needed to continue to share your gifts with the world. To paraphrase a person very dear to me, gratitude helps us focus on the good while letting go of what doesn’t serve us anymore. And this is what our world is in great need of right now: more inner vastness called gratitude and compassion. Be grateful for many things, as they are the steppingstones towards your dreams.
